I had a couple of new posts planned out, half-written for today but I can’t really bring myself to finish anything. I’m not exactly in high spirits, to say the least. I generally try to NOT complain about this sort of stuff but…. my money situation got really bad really fast in just a matter of weeks. A few slow weeks of work, some unplanned expenses, and a delayed check has left me with $30 to my name. It’s hard to get excited about anything when you’re trying to figure out how you are going to pay your rent. And to top it off, the weather here in South Florida has been rainy dark and dreary for over a week now AND i got woken up at 5:30 to the sound of the Subaru’s alarm going off cause someone was trying to steal it! Needless to say, I need some cheering up and If you’d like to help you can always send lolcats and encouraging emails (or gift certificates to forever21, perhaps?) to me  [email protected]. And as always, the link to my amazon wishlist is on the right column of my blog, over there ;-) ——->

But ending on a more “posi” note, my newest porn store dispatch went live today!


zombie josieMy co-workers and I like to joke around that customers become zombies once they set foot in our porn store. Once normally functioning (or so I’d hope) human males, they become possessed by their undying love for naked ladies fucking on film. Their eyes glaze over, their brains turn to mush. They crave porn…PORN I TELL YOU!!!!… and they are unable to focus on anything else. These porno zombies, now consumed with their hunt for smut are unable to perform basic tasks, such as speaking in complete, coherent sentences or putting things back where they got them. Ask a porno zombie if they need any help or if they could please quit taking up a whole aisle by sitting cross legged on the floor like a kindergartner while drooling over the back covers of movies and all you will hear in return is a low, guttural grunt. Porno zombies lack basic math skills when it comes to paying for their precious movies and don’t respond when you tell them that they are short $10.36.

(read more…)

Hope you enjoy the dispatch… it was lots of fun to write!

If you enjoyed this post, maybe you'll like this stuff too:

  1. Porn Store Dispatch #5 is up!
  2. “To The People Buying and Renting Porn at My Store”
  3. Pornoween


This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 at 3:46 pm and is filed under blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
4 Comments so far

  1. Fad23 on May 28, 2009 1:41 pm

    I totally know how lame it is to receive those unexpected expenses. Good luck to you!


  2. revenant on May 29, 2009 1:15 am

    Sorry to hear about your rough patch. Since life’s kicking my ass too, all I can say is that you’re not alone. I had a pic of a lol cat dressed as Superman, but for some reason I can’t use it. Hope the mental visual is enough.


  3. TG on May 29, 2009 4:55 am

    This is some funny stuff, I worked in a porn store on a midnight shift for a while but never had anyone ever sit on the ground.


    josie jacobs's reply:

    its happened a few times ta my store, but not terribly often. funny thing is the day the article went live a friend of mine who works at an adult shop in CA txt’d me to tell me he found a customer sitting on the floor looking at dvd cases!


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