Archive | September, 2009

do YOU like it in the can?

28 Sep

While I can’t say I’m a big fan of beer (especially lime-flavored varieties) I do love this new ad from Bud Light.

Hey New Jersey!

24 Sep

Hey New Jersey!

Joanna Angel and Jessie Lee of the wonderful will be dancing at The Harem in Lodi, NJ tonight. The club is all-nude, the show is going to be awesome, and you get $5 off admission if you print out this flyer so you have no excuse not to go if you live in the area.

For more info, click here.

“To The People Buying and Renting Porn at My Store”

24 Sep

This “Best of Craigslist” posting was passed around my old shop (we had actually considered writing our own version of it but got a little lazy) when I started working there but I had forgotten all about it until @TweeterJennings sent me a link to it a few days ago. At my old shop a fair amount of this shit rang true to me but I don’t have to think about this stuff anymore now that my new job is at a store that is 100% rental-movie free!

best of craigslist > raleigh > To The People Buying and Renting Porn at My Store Originally Posted: Mon, 20 Jul 21:52 EDT

To The People Buying and Renting Porn at My Store

Date: 2009-07-20, 9:52PM EDT

Dear Porn Purchaser,

1. I’ll say this one time only: we do not accept returns unless the movie you purchased is defective in some way. This means the movie doesn’t play. This does not mean that the video was not long enough, didn’t feature enough fucking, didn’t feature enough money shots, featured too many dicks and not enough pussy, featured too many pussies and not enough dicks or any other content-based complaint you may have. You bought it, you wanked to it and now its yours. Forever. kthxbye.

2. If your movie is defective, you have two (2) days to return it with the receipt and original package. This means if you purchase the movie on Monday morning, you have until Wednesday evening to bring it back. This means when you return the movie, you have to have that little piece of paper we give you when we sell you the movie and the cover and box must be intact. It’s possible, but very unlikely, that we didn’t give you a receipt. It’s impossible that you didn’t get the packaging. That’s just ridiculous. Oh, and if you return a movie, I will put the movie in our DVD player to make sure it doesn’t work. Yes, that’s right. I’m college educated and I get to check porn for defects at work. My parents sure are proud.

3. Seriously, who purchases porn anymore? Have you ever heard of the internet? Well, in case you haven’t, it’s a magical series of tubes that gives you access to a plethora of pornography you cannot even imagine. Pornography beyond your wildest dreams! And, better yet, it’s free!

4. Seriously, who rents porn anymore? Please see #3.

5. Why are you so fucking picky about your pornography? I really don’t understand. It’s a movie. With people fucking each other. A lot. The movies are separated into broad genres in our movie section for your convenience. You can find run of the mill people fucking each other a lot movies, movies with only black people fucking each other a lot, interracial groupings fucking each other a lot, only men fucking each other a lot, only women fucking each other a lot, people fucking each other a lot and doing kinky shit at the same time, and so on. It’s pretty basic and usually, the titles describe what is going to happen in the movie pretty well. “Big Black Poles in White Holes,” for instance, says a lot about what the movie will be about. So do titles like “Giant Goo Covered Jugs,” “Girls Kissing Girls,” “Anal Addiction,” “Big Wet Asses,” “Enema Queens,” and “Hairy Cooter Bonanza.” Usually, you don’t have to think a lot about what a movie is about (other than fucking, of course) – pornography isn’t known for being demure.

6. I have not seen every movie in our collection so I can’t tell you whether “Giant Greeze Covered Asses” is better than “Big Wet Booty Poppin’ Booty.” To be honest, I don’t even like pornography. Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you about my pornography watching habits. Please use your own discretion in determining which movie is right for you.

7. I can help you find movies by title, studio or star. If you don’t have a specific title, studio or star you are looking for, please limit your question asking. We have thousands of movies and I’m not going to look through them to help you find a movie featuring double penetration, strap ons, interracial couplings, and hairy women covered in oil wearing rubber. Take your specific fetishes to the internet. Please see #3 and 4.

8. Some of you rent or purchase multiple movies every day or so. Do you have a job? Do you do anything except watch porn? How have you not masturbated yourself retarded at this point? Seriously…calm down a little bit and, for the love of God, save yourself some money and get a computer and internet access.

Thanks and have a nice day,

Your Friendly Adult Store Clerk

I’m back!

23 Sep

Sorry I’ve been a bad blogger.

I needed to have a little break from the internet for a few weeks. I started my new job and decided to take some much needed time to myself to focus on work and my own personal stuff…

But I’m back now with lots of great ideas for the site – there will be a ton of new product reviews (I just became a “sexpert” with CalExotics and my friends at OhMiBod are sending me their newest toy, the freestyle), pictures my hot porn crushes, chats with Joanna Angel, and lots lots more. So make sure to keep checking back here to see all the new stuff.

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P.S. I was in Daytona Beach for a wedding this weekend and passed a strip club called Biggins. LOLs. Would have taken a picture but somehow the LCD screen on my camera got busted during the drive up.

Hello Kitty Overload!

8 Sep

I got some awesome Hello Kitty undies in the mail in the past 2 weeks from two of my twitter followers.

@dickymathews got me this awesome bra and panty combo set. They fit me perfectly and are so comfy… I’m actually wearing them now as I write this blog!

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